• Preeth C.Vijay

Emotionally Healthy Relationship;Respect,Listen and Trust!!!

We talk about sex education and how important it is. We have had glimpse of how our reproductive system works, all hormone rush and everything during high school. And eventually, when we get married we strive hard to be the best sex partner to our spouse and even try nuances to benefit each other with pleasure, probably we think that fulfills a relationship.

What are we doing to keep our relationship emotionally healthy and happy. We aren’t taught about how shitty a relationship would get at one point; we are not taught about the ways to handle it.

Unhealthy relationships are everywhere around, we worship romance and feel that’s the only way to showcase the love in a relationship. But isn’t it necessary to keep the other person emotionally healthy and respect their feeling?

There are certain things which you should refrain doing in your relationship to maintain the happiness, and to keep the love real.

Bringing the past. Blaming your spouse for the past mistake. Who has screwed up the most.

Talking about the past is going nowhere. Either you are trying to prove your righteousness at this moment by blaming them or you are trying to poke your spouse with guilt, so that they are emotionally hit. When this goes for a long time in a relationship, you will tend to spend most of your energy proving that you are less culpable.

Deal one at a time. What happened in 2010 has nothing to do with 2020. Last week's messy movie plan has nothing to do with tonight’s work schedule and flop dine out. If what happened an year before was a problem for you, you should have dealt it by then, not by bringing it an year later connecting a current situation.

Throwing hints and sulking without uttering a word.

When you aren’t happy with a decision your spouse made or an activity of his/hers, it is appreciable if you hit it straight. Instead of opening up what’s actually troubling you, acting all ways silly, to piss your partner by walking away when your spouse talks, or by crying in the middle of the night or showing the anger on kids because you cant show it on your spouse, will do nothing , but irritate your spouse more.

State your feelings and desires openly. And make it clear that you’d love to have their support and need some relaxed talk on that issue.

Emotional Black mailing- a very easy thing many people in a relationship do to keep the other person hooked.

“ I will not have food today until you do this for me” ; “ Am no longer gonna give you money until you prove you are right” “ You will not see me alive, I will die if you don’t do this for me”

It’s emotional blackmail and it creates tons of unnecessary drama.

It’s fine to get upset at your partner or to not like something about them. That’s what normal human being does. But just because you are married to each other, it does not mean you need to keep everything under your control and take the upper hand by emotionally blackmailing the other person.

Note that a relationship is filled with love only when you have the ability to communicate without emotional black mails; when you emotionally black mail the other person, to get things done, it just proves that there is no love, but all you need is control over your spouse.

Many of us get pissed off when our partner talks, calls, texts, hangs out with other person constantly and then we proceed to take that anger out on our partner and attempt to control their behavior.

This often leads to crazy behaviors such as hacking into your partner’s email account, looking through their text messages while they’re in the shower.

Understand!! This has nothing to do with being possessive. It’s controlling and manipulative. It creates unnecessary drama and fighting. It transmits a message of a lack of trust in the other person. And to be honest, it’s demeaning.

Trust your partner. I know some jealousy is natural. But excessive jealousy and controlling behaviors towards your partner are signs of your own feelings of unworthiness, its absolutely your fault and you should learn to deal with them.

Being happy in a relationship is not about happy pictures in Facebook and Insta. It is inside your room where you both emotionally support each other.

If love is just about roses, gifts, and love making almost every relationship in this world would have survived.

Love is not synonymous to keeping someone under control. Love is about respecting the other person as individual and putting yourself on your partner’s shoes when there is an argument. All it takes is respect and trust for happy love and emotionally healthy relationship.

When an argument arises, have the courage to sit and talk, understand and respect. That’s how a relationship works beautifully, not the other way around.

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